Friday's Fraught Absurdities: Call a Lid, Joe

Some unsolicited advice for Old Joe Biden’s handlers this morning: Call a lid.

Call it at 9:00 a.m. ET.

Instruct the Secret Service to not allow any media onto the White House grounds, and inform them that no one will be working on the premises until next Tuesday, since Monday is MLK Day.

Cancel any scheduled White House tours and send the tour guides home until Tuesday, too, because lord knows you don’t want those folks spilling any beans they might have heard while traipsing around the halls of the official Sock Puppet residence, either.

And for god’s sake, get Old Joe the hell out of town again.

Yeah, he only just got back from a fabulous vacation in the Virgin Islands a week ago, but that’s fine - just send him somewhere, as long as that somewhere is not his home in Delaware, to keep him and reporters away from that damned garage and the Corvette inside of it.

Send him to Camp David.

Yes, that’s a potential problem since any visitors to Camp David must be recorded in an official log kept by the Secret Service and you don’t want anyone knowing exactly who it is that has been visiting the Sock Puppet on the 100+ days he has spent up in Delaware during his presidency. That’s most likely his medical staff, so you’ll just have to redirect them to Camp David and let that cat out of the bag.

Or maybe you can have some other doctors and nurses step in and give the fake president his treatments. But you’ll have to disclose their identities, too, so you will need a workable damn narrative to feed the lapdogs.