Tucker Carlson and the Death of the Republican White-Hair
After last Friday, we have a new candidate species for inclusion on America’s list of endangered species: The rare White-Haired Republican Male Presidential Candidate, or GOP White-Hair for short.
This is a species of candidate that has several common characteristics:
They are haughty by nature, possessed of an amazingly inflated sense of their own personal appeal;
Their main form of nourishment is talking points written and vetted by a staff of talking points monkeys, an abundant species that thrives on the politicians who still are dumb enough to pay for their services;
Those talking points are better-suited for the political climate of 2004 than they are for today;
They are war-mongers - there are no apparent, prominent exceptions to this rule;
They have spent their entire careers failing upwards into positions increasingly beyond their personal skillsets;
They are mind-numbingly tedious;
And, of course, their common physical characteristics include pasty-white skin, mid-western accents, stern facial expressions, wee, beedy eyes and closely-cropped white hair.