What's Really at Stake in this Debate?

I know you probably haven’t heard given that no one in the media is talking about it, but there’s a debate coming up on [checks notes] Thursday between this guy named Donald Trump and a rumored president named [checks notes] Joe Biden.

Ok, just kidding. That’s all anyone is talking about right now, in part because Biden went into hiding at Camp David last Wednesday so he couldn’t create any more embarrassing videos before the debate comes off. Biden’s evil, elder-abusing handlers refer to this as “debate prep,” but what it really most likely is is 90-minute potty training combined with intravenous drug therapy and possibly even a little touch-up facial surgery. Anything to make the guy not look and sound so damn old and out of it.